I dont know what "alright" is anymore.  My entire equilibrium has been shifted and I don't know where the normal lies.  I don't know what I should be feeling, what parts of me I should be repressing, or if not repressing them, then how I should give them their place.  I feel like the lack of companionship is seriously getting in the way of my friendships, because they cannot give me enough to fill the hole that has been made.  I just want to cry and sleep... but I have work to do, and a test that I haven't studied for nearly enough tonight.  I should be studying right now, but I can't.  I just can't.  It's hard to read a screen when it becomes blurry all of a sudden.  Something needs to go.  Something needs to leave my life... but I don't know what more I can possibly cut out.  Classes? I guess there may be one that I can drop at the most.  It's pretty much too late to replace it with anything now.  Why does this still have such a damn hold over me... it's been so long... I guess time doesn't have anything to do with it.  I thought it did.  I thought I could just wait.  But no.  Waiting just makes it worse I've found.  It just concentrates it.  It focuses it and keeps me from focusing on anything else.  I just want to leave.  Take a metaphysical midnight train out of this life.  Help me... I wish someone could, but I don't think it's possible anymore.  I think even if Kelly were to come back, I wouldn't get better.  I would just continue to get worse regardless.  The damage has been done, and some wounds never heal.  Some wounds never heal til death makes them irrelevant.