How far down the rabbit hole does this go?  It's been so long I'm not so sure I can trace it accurately, but I have to try.  Recent progress shows that this has been going on longer than since Kelly broke up with me.  That traumatic instance only intensified what was already there and took away that which was comforting me to counteract whatever it was/is.  Now, I'm just dealing with the same thing, but I don't have the intense kind of motivation/drive/security/comfort that comes from being in a relationship to get me through it.  Now it's just me and my friends, who have tried to help me in the past, but nothing ever makes this go away completely, which means in order to prevent textbook insanity, I need to look elsewhere for more drastic help.  I tried calling in to set up an appointment with a counselor today, but the counseling center was booked full for today (they only do same day appointments, and I called merely 40 min. after they opened this morning.  I guess I'm not the only one whose mentally screwed up).  They referred me to the mental health clinic on campus.  They were booked for a solid month.  I guess I'll just have to try again tomorrow.  Until then, I don't really want to talk to anyone that much until I've reflected enough by myself.  The only means that I can think of to get me through this are to first stabilize myself through chemical override of my emotions, since other methods of control have been drastically inadequate up to this point.  We'll see where to go from there once things are stable.