blah...gh? 


Sorrow ferments into bitterness.


The usefulness of all the passions consists in their strengthening and prolonging in the soul thoughts which aregood for it to conserve,'' Descartes wrote. ''And all the harm they can do consists in their strengthening and conserving... others which ought not to be fixed there.''


A recently attended neuroscience seminar I attended informed me of a purpose and mechanism of emotional arousal, why it happens and how it works.  The release of norepinephrine (aka, noradrenaline) after any experience has been shown to drastically enhance the recollection of that experience in the short and long term in direct proportion to the amount of norepinephrine released.  


As with everything, this is a double edged sword.  With lab rats with which this was tested, they remembered which plate they stepped on gave them a shock so they could avoid it next time they were placed by it.  But with victims of, let's say, post-traumatic stress disorder, their memory of emotionally intense and for that matter horribly destructive experiences cannot be erased, and it is simply too powerful, so powerful that it fixates their minds completely upon that experience, especially if something triggers it.  


Norepinephrine, released from the adrenal glands, stimulates the amygdalla, which then goes onto up-regulate most/virtually all other sections of the brain dedicated to memory storage, regardless of the type of experience or what has been "learned" through the experience.  Theoretically, if there is a defect, rather a defective enhancement, of the amygdalla, then the victim will have one hell of a time being able to "let go" of their memories, good, bad, and debilitatingly painful.


I'm not exactly trying to make a medical self-diagnosis here, but this is interesting to think about. I am someone who, at least in my opinion, has a fairly sharp long-term memory.  Short-term is a different story, and sometimes I think there may be something wrong with my hippocampus for not being able to remember where I left something 2 minutes prior.  But with my long-term memory, I don't know if other people remember as much as I do, but I think it is somewhat abnormal.  I can remember dreams that I've had from when I was 4 years old, many times exactly where when and how I learned many of the words that I know, etc.  My mind is frequently always playing some memory on repeat over and over again, either in reminiscence which is more willful, or in just because that's what it does automatically.  Based upon how emotionally amplified my mind makes even mundane situations and experiences, it is no wonder to me now why it is the case that my memory is the way it is.  It is also no wonder why I am finding it impossible to let go of the more recent memory of when Kelly left me.  I'm not sure what the clinical definition of PTSD is, but I think I have a micro-version of it.  What was sorrow at first ferments now into bitterness and anger over what happened.  


"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering."