I have convinced myself of a few things, at least in concept, as I'm not sure how to go about them in practicality. I have agreed with myself to start seeing a counselor, and possibly for more long-term help join group therapy, if that is what is prescribed to me.  If they want to give me drugs, I will take them, after researching any side-effects of course.  I am willing to try just about anything at this point because nothing is working.  I've even convinced myself that it would help me to try casually dating someone, just so I can figure out how not to take a relationship too seriously, so I can get used to it not working out if I find that we are not meant to be together long-term in a completely committed relationship, so I can find out for sure what I do and do not want in a person, actually rather than theoretically.  I can spend all day trying to come up with a list of things that I think I want, but if I don't end up enjoying them in context, what difference would it make?  That said, I am open if someone happens to come along.  I'm not sure how it would all work out, because I still don't even know how to casually date someone, or what it would even look like, etc., but I do know that I'm open to pushing myself to be able to try something new in this area.  I may not be good at it at first, but we're all learning.  We all need more practice, is the motto of Kuk Sool Won, and if I practice something with extreme frequency that is comparatively trivial such as martial arts, why would I not want to practice for something that is heavily determinant of the outcome of the rest of my life?