The Solitary Shell

I am solitary, and I am a shell.  My accomplishments, and now past relationship were what I built that shell with, to hide the nothing that was below it.  Now that the relationship is gone, I have no more shell... that is to say, I have nothing.  I am empty, but not in the good way that the Taoists try to attain, though I'm probably not far off at this stage, as I am learning how to just exist, empty myself of everything but a calm awareness of God and His creation around me.

The only thing that has worked to bring me to peace and stillness before God has been my meditations.  I find a place that is isolated (enough), quiet (enough), and I sit with my back straight yet relaxed, my head pulled up straight, yet not stiffened, and I let go of everything.  I stare with my eyes open or closed in any direction, it does not matter.  I breathe.  When breathing in, I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit.  When breathing out, I expel any evil or wicked thoughts that I had throughout the day or week and instantly replace them with a deep breath in.  There is a rotation of meditative positions I rotate through, from lying down, to sitting up, to placing a focused hand out in front of me, etc., and with each new position I focus on expelling a different thought from my mind and to balance it I breathe in it's opposite.  This is the only release I know that has worked so far, so I will continue to work it into my daily routine and will be self-disciplined to follow through with it, for me, for God, for everyone who ever has to interact with me.

I hope this will continue to bring me to more humility with God and others.  Doing nothing signifies that my actions are not absolutely necessary, nor important enough that I must continue them at all costs.  It places God first above my actions and daily routines and even my own thoughts.  I empty myself for whatever God desires to fill me with.