Sick of typing, but I told myself I would start doing this... so here I am.

My right hand feels like it has carpel-tunnel syndrome from how much I've been typing... which is pretty much all day at class because it's how I take notes, and much of the day at work, the combination of which is 9-5 every weekday.

Had a relapse today... or was it yesterday?  Two days ago?  I don't know, it started when I found out that Laura was going to stop talking to Frank for a while.  It gave me flashbacks which started on re-run in my mind.  It's been about 3 1/2 months so far, maybe a little more.  I guess it's getting easier, though my friends seem to think that a platonic friend has an attraction toward me which is in absolutely no way mutual if it does indeed exist.  Why the heck is it that people start falling for you if you just want to be their close friend?  I guess this doesn't happen to me all that often... because I don't really get that close to too many people.  I never knew how to make the first move in a friendship... or relationship for that matter.  Consequently, I just wait around hoping someone will make me their friend because I don't know how to start a friendship.  Heck, I can barely reciprocate if other people even want to start a friendship sometimes.

There's a little bug that keeps scurrying across my screen.

Man, do I feel like crap.  I haven't cooked a legitimate meal this week other than some egg-in-the-nests for breakfast.  Not enough sleep... people keep partying next door and they're REALLY LOUD.  Some chick came by and asked to borrow our spatula so she could make tortillas yesterday and she still hasn't brought it back.

Some guy came up to me in the Quad Shop today because he saw my Harper lanyard, and apparently he went there and also attended Willow Creek for some time.  We started talking church, and he went to the Vineyard church in Evanston.  I told him I went to the Vineyard in Crystal Lake, blah blah blah, anyway it ended in him asking if he could pray for me for no particular reason, so we went outside on some stone bench in front of where I worked (class just got out, so there were a lot of people walking by), and he put his hand on my shoulder and started praying out loud for me.  This is something that I would think Mr. Ritchie would do, and he has done it before, but with him I felt comforted and encouraged.  With this guy, I felt scared, threatened even.  It was not a good experience for me I think.  I walked away confused and all.  I haven't been touched meaningfully in a long time, and I guess I'm just not used to it anymore.  My parents don't really hug me unless I'm about to leave them for a few months, and even then it seems like it's just protocol to them. Laura said "I love you" in parting some time I think a week or so ago, and I didn't know what to think.  It's been so long since I've heard someone really say that at all, let alone mean it.  I miss being able to say "I love you" to someone and really mean it without the other person getting all weird or not knowing what I really mean.  I'm crying now... Guess I should have seen this coming.  Here it comes... le deluge.

I miss you, Kelly.  I hope you're ready to come back sometime soon.  I'd really like to hear about how college is treating you and all, what with your 21st birthday coming up and all ;)  Have you made any new friends yet?  What are the people up there like?  How is your roommate?

I'm supposed to be going to a lab party hosted at my professor's house, and she told everyone to invite their significant others, just about killed me, as Holden Caulfield would probably say.  I just finished Catcher in the Rye for the first time.  It gave me something to kinda relate to... not sure if that's good or not.  Good book, though no real beginning and no real end.  It just happened.  In the book, Holden has this ex-girlfriend named Sally Hayes... irony... not funny God... not funny.  Ugh... I guess it's time to go.  I have to get up and drive and shoot shotguns tomorrow and hopefully actually hit the targets.  Nowhere left to run for refuge.  No geographical place on this earth left.

See you when you get back... whenever that is...