Forgot to post last night, so I'll write this morning instead.
"A guy can make a girl's night just by asking her to dance. Really, boys. Go for it." -KSH
Well, at least somebody is doing what I could never really get into.  I've tried dancing before, and for the few times that it has been an enjoyable experience, sure I thought it was great... but at what cost?  Dancing causes me the same frustration as playing guitar and sucking miserably, except at least with guitar I know what I'm doing most of the time, I know how to improve, and it's a form of art that I connect with on all levels, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually even.  I never could get the hang of dancing.  It's just not me... I mean, what I do in martial arts is very similar to dancing, but it's a solo act, one with a lot more freedom than dancing which is bound by the shackles of proper timing and a set rhythm, which I do not control but must follow like a slave and which is always there to remind me when I get out of line, off-tempo, or mess up and cannot find an entry point back into the song.  Now it's been over 2 years since I've started practing martial arts, and I have gained a lot more control over by muscles, appendages, internal energy, and mind, yet I still do not think that dancing is something that suits me... at least not the kind that everyone insists upon me, i.e., swing i.e., something light and jubilant and nothing serious, just a lot of fluff and flashy show-offishness in my opinion.  There's no soul in it, nothing epic, nothing grand and nothing deeply romantic at all.  Not for me.  Maybe I could learn some different type of dancing that is more fitting toward the identity I have chosen/realized for myself, maybe something more like a ballroom setting, but not the stuffy, overly formal kind.  I know from performing the Hyung of Kuk Sool that I deeply enjoy moving gracefully and controlled and flowing like a Chinese dragon, but thus far, I have not found a style within the realm of dancing that even comes close to the grace, power, and comprehensive unity of oneself that I find in the martial arts.  Pity... because the one thing that dancing seems to have that martial arts lack is being able to share with a partner, and so I plunge further into my isolation.  Maybe I was never meant to have a companion at all... maybe I'm just confusing myself... it doesn't seem like I do any better no matter if I'm with someone or if I'm alone, so how do I tell which is the right option... or am I back to the same place I was before, where apparently, God will bless either path I choose, I simply must choose one... well... I know what I want, but I don't know if it wants me.  I don't know if companionship is compatible with me at all.  I hope it is... I don't know what I'm saying anymore.  I need to go.  Crying doesn't work well when trying to spar against other people which is what I have to do shortly.  It blinds you, and then the only thing you can see is a blurred fist coming for your already stinging eyes.