Not so great expectations

Rob was right: I need to stop expecting pain all the time. Any time you expect something, you anticipate it, you change subtly internally in ways to receive what it is that you expect, even if it is something that you do not want at all. I will now start expecting good to happen, because that's what God promises, not because I'm just trying to "feel" better and delude myself. I need to start expressing to myself that God is on my side, because I am just foolishly depressing myself with my current thoughts and it has been enough. God, I trust you, no matter where you will lead next. I came back to you God, now please do not let me go again (though it was not your fault that I did the last time). Guide me along the path to You-I know it's not so complex a process to walk with You as it seemed to me recently. It is simple, but it is all-inclusive, which I guess is why it's hard to grasp how to live as a Christian sometimes. The illusion that it is so complex of a process seems to be invented by man's philosophy, and it has been causing me to stumble in that it makes following God look like more like a math problem than a relationship, something that has to be done that I don't really want to get up and do, rather than an engaging two-way interaction with the One who loves me the most and will guide me to wisdom, not leave me blindly groping around for it for the rest of my life.